Moving It

So like a lot of people, I have a hard time finding the motivation to work out consistently.  Whenever I start a new thing, I'm pumped about it- like, I'm a runner!  This is my life now!  I'm gonna be the kind of person who needs a good jog when they're stressed!- but it tends to peter out when laziness prevails. I've noticed that the "this is my new life" mentality when I try something different is something that's pervasive in almost all areas for me.  I tried smoking hookah for the first time the other night and I liked it, so automatically I was mentally like oh shit, I have to get a hookah now, I'm gonna smoke it while I watch tv at home and some of my friends are gonna think it's kind of weird but it's just my thing, whatever...but then like so much hookah smoke, the dream dissipated when we were done and I realized I wasn't all that interested.

I started working on running a couple of months ago with eventually doing a 5K in mind, so I've been using a Couch to 5K app on my phone (this one) to gradually work my way up.  It's taking waaay longer than the 8 weeks it suggests, because of my inconsistency as far as gym visits and general physical weakness.  I have a love-hate relationship with it- in the beginning it was muuuuurder, but somehow I got myself to keep working at it and feeling progress was encouraging and even a little addictive.  But now I've been unable to run for longer intervals of time without feeling like I'm legit dying, like going to throw up and die and then faint after I'm dead, so I'm frustrated and finding excuses not to try.  Plus I found out you can't wear headphones during a 5K- are you fucking kidding me?  No distraction from my heaving breath, no Beyonce and picturing myself dancing with my friends, just focusing on how apeshit my butt is bouncing right now?  I might be out of the 5K thing.  And without that to motivate me, I'm not sure I see myself keeping up running- trying not to mentally throw in the towel, but real talk.

So what do you guys do?  I'm not necessarily looking to lose weight but being active makes me feel good- at least afterward, and if I can find something that I don't hate while I'm doing it, mazel.  My brother and his girlfriend got me a Blu Ray player that's hooked up to Netflix, Amazon, Hulu Plus and YouTube so I'm especially curious about any videos that you work out along to online, yoga in particular.  But there is something about being at the gym that keeps me from stopping 5 minutes in because I'm bored or it's too hard so if you have any suggestions that are more oriented in that direction,  routines, classes you like, etc, I'd love to hear them too.  Help me balance out all the cheese I eat!

xojane!

A couple weeks ago I submitted a few things I wrote to a website I really like, and it turns out that the feeling was mutual!  I signed a writer's agreement and the whole shabang earlier this week but I wasn't sure when the article would be going up, so I got a little thrill when I was scrolling around on my phone between clients today and me and my scrubby pajama top showed up.  It's really been fun so far interacting with people in the comments and I feel really good about the whole thing. I'll have another post popping up there in the future as well and I plan to keep submitting things if they come to me so hopefully I'll be around there every once in a while, spreading knowledge and seeking validation (let's be real, I'm not writing this shit in my diary for a reason.)  You can check it out here if you like.

Wishes Do Come True

So, there was this one time I had an admirer who lived in my apartment building.  He slipped a Cinderella card under my door and we lived happily ever after.

NOT, he totally weirded me out and I spent a bunch of nights double checking my locks and yanking back my shower curtain afraid to find him there.  You can here me elaborate on this story as well as some of my online dating history (I'm a lucky lady) by listening to this week's episode of Will and Bobby Know Everything!  Click here to check out my dulcet tones.

Hey Whoa Is It Coming Down Out There?? Getting Rid of Winter Flakes

I just realized I have some important, seasonal knowledge to drop!  So many people deal with itchy scalp issues around this time of year and because of the flakes, they assume that it's dandruff and reach for the Head and Shoulders or other such products.  However, dandruff and dry scalp are two totally different things, and treating one when you actually have the other can exacerbate the problem.

Here's the deal: in my experience, far fewer people actually have dandruff than those who think they do.  It's totally understandable because the most recognizable symptoms are so similar- itchiness and flaking.  The vast majority actually just have a dry scalp, which is exactly what it sounds like.  Dandruff is actually a fungal condition and rather than small, white flakes, yellowish clumps of tissue form on the scalp.  If you're not sure which you're experiencing, don't hesitate to ask your hairdresser- seriously, I understand why you might be embarrassed but it's so not a big deal.  Everybody's got their stuff; bodies are weird.

If you've actually got dandruff, then by all means use something to treat it- preferably containing tea tree oil, which is anti-fungal and a natural exfoliant, meaning that over time it will treat the dandruff as well as gently sweep it away from your scalp.  I love and work with Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Special Shampoo, but be aware- if you color your hair, tea tree shampoos are best used right before you'll be getting color done again, as they can cause fading.  Sometimes we gotta pick our priorities, and I'd personally pick not waking up in the middle of the night scratching my scalp.

But if you've just got dry scalp, using something meant for dandruff can really work against you- it will clear away flakes but also dry your skin further, only making things worse.  Most people don't realize this and create a cycle where they have a dry scalp, they try to help it but dry it out further, and on and on.  But you don't have to!  You're smart, and also you're pretty.

Here's a plan you can customize based on whether you've learned you have a dry scalp or dandruff.  It's super easy and cheap, and when done regularly (try once a week) you'll be able to ruffle your hair again without worrying about a gentle snowfall.  I actually thought to write this post because I'm doing it right now and looking damn good too.

All the steps are the same for either situation except that if you have dandruff, add a few drops of pure tea tree oil into the mix.

Find any oil you have around the house- olive oil works great, as do coconut and grapeseed oil.

Heat it up a few tablespoons of it in the microwave, just until it's warm.  It helps the oil absorb a little better but it also just feels nice and spa-y, even if it's in a thrift store coffee mug.

Bring it into the bathroom with you and over the sink, start applying it to your scalp.  I find it a little less messy to press in with a sponge brush, the kind you can get at any craft store, but your fingers work just as well.  Start at your natural part, then keep making parting parallel to that and applying the oil to them going all across your head.  When you get to the back, honestly, just do the best you can- my technique gets dicey once things are out of my field of vision but so far I've lived.

Now wrap your hair in a towel, put on a shower cap, wrap your head in saran wrap or in a target bag (I've done both) and go do your thing around the house for at least 20 minutes- it could really stay on forever, you could binge on a season of a tv show everyone's been telling you about! While I let mine sink in I'll be watching the new episode of American Horror Story: Asylum.

When you're tired of going to play with your hair and remembering it's full of oil, hop in the shower and shampoo a couple of times until you get your usual lather and condition your hair as normal.  I promise you that your situation will improve.

If you guys ever have any hair questions for me, please feel free!  I love to spread the gospel of good hair.  It's often easier to achieve than you think.

The Last 2-ish Weeks in 10-ish Pictures

First of all, haaaay guys.  Second of all, this picture is kind of gross blown up, unless you're into tattoo goop residue and sock indentations.  At my friends' shop they did a benefit for the victims of Hurricane Sandy where they set up a mostly Jersey-themed flash sheet of tattoos you could pick from, in various sizes and priced either $50 or $100, and all of the proceeds were donated.  It was totally packed so my friend Amanda and I waited for a long time, but it was totally worth it.  I went to Ray, who I'd never been tattooed by before, and he pulled out a couple extra stops with the shading and everything- Chuck, the owner, came in and started a little friendly smack-talking about how he knows these are supposed to be kind of quick, simple tattoos but he had just knocked one out of the park, and Ray was like "Oh that's how it is?!" and pulled out a couple extra colors.  I ain't mad.  They raised a ton of money, I'm not sure what the grand total is but there were 6 people working and I know Evan raised $1,050 on his own, so I'd say the whole thing was a success and I'm glad I got to be a part of it.

So it hasn't come up before but my family structure is a little unique, age-wise.  I have 2 half-sisters from my dad's previous marriage, and since my dad is a lot older than my mom, my half-sisters are a lot older than me and Will.  Karen is 23 years older than me and Lynne is 21 years older, to the day!  We share a birthday, and this year she had a big one- 5-0, baby.  Karen had the fucking genius idea to have her throw her own surprise party and it was perfect!  Lynne thought she was just hosting one of the bingo nights she and her friends have from time to time, but the doorbell just kept ringing and more and more people from her life kept pouring in.  She seemed awestruck and thrilled all night and it made me so happy to see.  Sarah was awesome and took the trip to Long Island with my parents and me and Lynne burst into tears when she saw our Dad- the whole night was just a lot of happy.  I got to meet my nephew's girlfriend, who seemed sweet, and see him for what's going to be one of the last times for a long time since he's going into the army.  Ugh, that's a whole other thing.  Also I saw my niece Audrey who's loving college, and my other nephew Robbie who seemed like he was doing great too.  Oh yeah and I sang a heinous karaoke version of "New York, New York" with my dad and got to realize that I don't really know that song and that weirdly I don't have the same vocal range as Frank Sinatra about 30 seconds in.  The perfect time to realize that.

Ryan, Jim, Joe and I headed to Hoboken to see one of Yo La Tengo's Hanukkah shows- they play each of the 8 nights, every time with an opening act and a special guest that doesn't get announced until you're there. We came into the city a little early and grabbed food and sangria at a banging tapas place before settling in at Maxwell's and finding out that Sun Ra Arkestra (didn't know them) and Fred Armisen (felt lukewarm about) were opening.  Well, that shit changed!  Sun Ra turned out to be a jazz band of mainly old men wearing spangly robes and headdresses singing about the solar system, and I was into it.  Check out Exhibit A up there for Duh.  They just seemed really psyched on what they were doing and it was infectious, plus glittery robes.  And then turns out, Fred Armisen is hilarious.  I mean I didn't have a huge aversion to begin with but I couldn't specifically say I was a fan, and then he killed it.  He definitely knew his audience, a lot of indie-rock/music nerd based jokes, like impressions of people trying to be polite when a boring band is playing.  Then Yo La Tengo was just so good.  You could really hear a pin drop during quieter songs, they definitely spoke quietly and carried a big stick, or whatever that one dude with polio said.  Really glad I got to see it.  Oh yeah, and then right before we left Fred Armisen grabbed my arm when I was on my way to the bathroom, and when I turned around he went from smiley to smiley-but-confused, and I was totally taken aback but quickly knew this was a mistaken identity thing so I just kept it moving.  Me moving was also related to panic stemming from a famous person touching me- I lose my mind in the presence of anyone I know from the teevee.  

I can't really summarize this time in my life without mentioning that I have been just annihilating any food that crosses my path, seemingly regardless of whether I really like it that much or not.  I mean those Pretzel Crisps up there I liked MUCH- one of my coworker's relative's works for the company and brought in a huge bag that I shit you not had about 20 bags of different flavored crisps in it, and the back room of the salon became a serious taste testing war zone.  Even though it wasn't pretty and they were about 80% of my food intake that day, that at least makes sense because I love crunchy, salty snacks.  But what the fuck is up with the chocolates I'm eating?  We all keep getting boxes of chocolate from clients for the holidays which is sooo nice but not necessarily my bag, and yet I'm totally dipping in.  Also pictured above is a pastry I bought from one of my coworker's daughter's for a fundraiser, and which I ate about a quarter of on my way home from work in the car like a sticky fingered animal and the rest that's missing by cutting off multiple tiny slivers when I got home.  Good thing I'm totally confident with my body and I don't believe in denying myself pleasure within reason and as long as I exercise I'm totally fine with it, really, and yadda yadda yadda (but seriously mama, chill.)

               
This past weekend was very laid back- I walked to the bar with Sarah on Saturday night to meet up with Ryan, Will and Allie and bumped into some other acquaintances, then the next morning got Vietnamese food including some really pretty Thai iced tea. It was dreary on Sunday so I mostly parked it on the couch with Ryan to watch a bunch of episodes of Boardwalk Empire.  I was about to say that "we" made baked pasta and meatballs for Sarah to take to her family's house when she went over for dinner but that would be a dirty lie since Ryan did almost all the work- he's a much more seasoned meatballer than me so I thought it best to let him go for it.

On Monday we walked around Metuchen, which is a really cute town that I hadn't really checked out before.  We ducked into a super crammed used book store that was just a mess with piles and piles everywhere, and I sort of loved it.  Later that night we had plans to go to my parents' to watch a movie and decided to grab dinner first at a brewery nearby, which included a beer sampler and wings- you can't really tell but I am the absolute messiest wing eater with serious Sauce Face in that picture.  My face and my napkin were a disgrace, I tried to trade napkins with Ryan so the waitress wouldn't know how disgusting I am but he wasn't having it.  It was torn up, how did I even do that?
And today I hung out at my parents' house listing a few really great designer purses of my aunt's on eBay (they're here if you'd like to see, I still love Etsy but it just seemed to be more the market for them) and putzing around.  All in all, world class weekend.  And all in all, I need to go to bed because WEEKEND'S OVER, time to make the donuts.

God, Take Me Instead!!!! : My Dog Died

So you know how in my last post I said that Harley had to take a trip to the vet but that it was okay he'd be okay?  I guess he's okay in that he's in a doggie heaven, but not thaaat okay because he died.  UGGGGHHHH.  I can't even stand much I loved that little dog.  When we took him that night the vet, who we love, told us he had bladder stones and he'd need emergency surgery to remove them right away, and that after recovery he'd be just fine.  But it turned out that when the doctor started the surgery, he realized that the reason the x-ray he'd taken of the stones was blurry (he'd had to really enhance it and up contrast and all that stuff when he showed us the night before) was because there was cancer covering about 3/4 of the inside of Harley's bladder.  He called my parents to let them know and recommended that since Harley was already sedated, they let him go.  Treatment was just too risky and it would be too painful.  I really miss him- a few times in the last week I've caught myself being excited to see him when I went to my parents', or when I was there glancing at our other dog Penny and thinking it was Harley for a quick, sad second.  I do definitely take comfort in the fact that I don't think he was in much pain- there were a few things that seemed off but even on the last day, when we took him to the vet, I was playing with him and he was snorting and flailing around and wagging his tail and generally going nuts the way he always would.  I'm grateful that we stopped it before anything really started.

As is customary, I made a short slideshow of pictures of him set to a karaoke version of "You're Simply the Best" by Tina Turner.  As is also customary, I didn't know how to save or send it so I had to just take a video of it.  Enjoy this one on Harley.

:( / :)

With Thanksgiving coming up, I recognize that I've got a lot to be thankful for but the last 5 days were total bullshit.  Ughhhh.  I took a picture of myself before I went for a walk to visit Evan at the tattoo shop during a calm spot on Sunday, which I planned to scrap because I look pissy, but I guess it pretty much sums it up.

There's a silver lining to the cloudy things that went on: my parents got in a scary car accident but didn't get hurt, I got a worrying call from my dad and my car stalled out simultaneously (and I had to sit in a really busy intersection for 2 hours while people honked at me, and for a surprising moment I lost it and yelled that one especially bad curse word out the window) but I didn't get rear-ended, our beloved Harley boy had to have a scary trip to the vet but he's going to be ok.  But seriously, way to kick me in the nuts this weekend, Life.  I'm exhausted.

HOWEVER: Will and I rallied the way we always do when the shit gets rough, Ryan took care of my dad by picking him up when I couldn't and then Ryan's dad took care of car stuff for me, my friends kept me upbeat and feeling like they had their eyes on me with texts, when I left my parents house tonight they were sitting in their matching recliners holding hands, I'm drinking a glass of red wine in bed with a kitty at my feet, and I'm making plans with Mike to walk to a hotel bar tomorrow night and have Thanksgiving Eve drinks.  Silver linings all over the place; fuck clouds.

But I'm still going to bed before a piano falls on my head or something.

DO THIS SHIT: Sears Portrait Studio

Assemble your crew.  Figure out an outfit theme, preferably involving something unflattering.  Haul it to Sears and get your pictures did.

I'm unclear on any copyright laws that may come into play with these watermarks, because I didn't look into it, because I desperately want to share these with you.  Mike, Sarah, Katie and I had been talking about doing a weirdo photo shoot for years so when I was browsing Groupon and a package for a family portrait at Sears popped up, I practically broke a sweat and dropped my phone out of flustered excitement.

Jeans, athletic sneakers and turtlenecks tucked in only at the front, with some sort of brooch or lapel pin, seemed the obvious choice.  Who wouldn't?  We waited until the last minute because we figured hey, when in Rome- we'll just browse Sears for outfit inspiration a little before our shoot.  Katie was meeting us there and stopping at Goodwill for pins on the way, and when she texted us "American flag pins?" plus we found this beauty of a polo for Mike not far from coordinating 'necks, an idea was formed.

And what an idea it was.  We were a little worried about not getting a photographer who "got it," but dude was loving it.  We just straight up told him we were looking for a cheesy photo shoot and that half-closed eyes or unflattering angles were not a deal breaker and that every corny pose he could think of was on the table.

We found him responsive.

It was a fairly brief but extremely prolific photo shoot, I assume books have been written about it already.  To narrow it down to the few prints that our package included we had about 150 shots to wade through and absolutely LOSE OUR SHIT over- I seriously laughed so hard.  We are ridiculous looking people.  Mike in particular fucking kills me.  Please look at his face in the fake running picture up there, please.

making hard decisions

I cannot recommend this experience more to anyone.  I cannot wait to put all the prints in one of those large, multiple picture frames.  I cannot wait to hang the 10x13 copy of the first picture above my bed, and then on a mantle in my first house, and then in my future childrens' rooms.  I cannot get over my friends.

Hurricane Realness

It's been a long time since I've posted, and I can't believe how much has happened since...weddings, shows, parties, hurricanes...there were a million pictures of things on my phone that I planned on posting, like a step-by-step through a meal that was probably 2 weeks ago but feels like a month.  I feel like if I try to write about some of those things now it's going to ring a little hollow because there's either been too much time that's passed or they're just overshadowed by current events, one of them being Hurricane Sandy hitting New Jersey last week.  So let's take a look at that.

Luckily my town wasn't really hit too badly- I "suffered" super minor inconveniences, like only losing power for about one day.  My internet was down for about 5 days and continues to be a little spotty, along with my cell phone service, but I really don't feel the need to complain much when I compare it to what other people have lost.  In my area the rain was less a factor than the wind, and checking out the aftermath the next day was full of uprooted trees, power lines and branches thrown all over the place.

Monday night was when the hurricane touched down and started wreaking havoc.  I decided to hunker down at Ryan's for the weekend with his roommates Jim and Joe rather than spend any time alone in my apartment with the power out, because that shit is scary.  W were pretty well stocked with non-perishable junk food and non-perishable beer, so we got to work on that while we played cards...

Then an impressive game of Jenga (After Dark) (that's not a thing, it was just dark)...

And capped off the night by watching Back to the Future on Ryan's laptop until it died about 3/4 of the way through.  I died about halfway through, falling asleep on Ryan's lap either by natural causes or because the stink of the million scented candles we were using for light finally suffocated me.

The next day the storm had blown over and we decided to go on a hunt for warm food and warm coffee.  Luckily we were more curious about what was going on out there than we were actually optimistic about finding anything, so it wasn't a huge disappointment that hardly anywhere was open.  A convenience store in town was open but without power, and it felt surreal and a little apocalyptic to be wandering around picking up bags of chips in the dark with a bunch of other quiet, kinda freaked out people.  The liquor store across the street had the same situation going on so we got some warm beer for later.  We were thrilled when we saw that a bagel place in town had set up a little station on the sidewalk with some of the salvaged items from their fridge and COFFEE they were making pot-by-pot by boiling water on the gas stove and pouring it over the grounds in their machine, and jumped right in line.

I thought it was awesome that they were doing what they could for people and I think most everyone else felt the same way, but I would occasionally hear someone in line go "Ugh, you only have Hazelnut??" all pissy or groan when they ran out of coffee and had to wait a few minutes for the next pot to be brewed.  Are you kidding?  It made me a little homicidal, which was probably a combination of blind rage at home ungrateful and rude people can sometimes be, plus I needed caffeine.  Coffee :: Kristen as Chocolate :: Cathy.  

I headed home while it was still light out to take a shower, change, and have a little alone time reading in bed with Chloe.  The water was freezing so I took a 10 second shower like a psychotic.  It was not refreshing.  I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before but Sarah and her boyfriend Dan live upstairs from me in our apartment building, which is directly behind a big river and next to a park, so we decided to take a walk to survey the damage there along with Mike.

I was surprised at how little the river had flooded because I think I was comparing it to Irene last year.  Now there was a shitshow, water-wise.

These were all over the place.  Johnson Park is pretty big and runs along the length of the river, it's really nice and I feel lucky to live right next to it.  It also has a small...I don't know if you would call it a petting zoo, but a small area with animals in it?  Whatever.  A section with pigs, chickens, a peacock, goats, horses and llamas.  We didn't walk far down enough to see what was up there but I'm kind of glad we didn't, because I'm not sure what they do with the animals in these situations and I'm not sure I want to.

I was going to head back over to Ryan's after our walk but I needed to pick up a couple things from the apartment first.  It had started to get dark and this is what I was confronted with when I walked into my hallway:

FUCK THAT.  I decided I could live without my chapstick or whatever it was I was stopping in for and hightailed it out of there.  By the way I was half hoping that when I blew this up I'd see a ghost or something, but no dice.

I had put the word out to Sarah, Dan and Mike that at Ryan's the stove was working and he'd be doing some cooking so if they wanted to come over and hang out to feel free.  I also texted Will and Allie, and Sarah got in touch with her brother Tommy, so we ended up having an impromptu hurricane party.  Ryan whipped up some candlelight mac and cheese, vegetables, mashed potatoes with parsnips and salad.

We ate and then decided to hit the games back up.  What else are you going to do?  We played some more Jenga and then some game I don't remember the name of.  Too many games!  But it was fun.  It was really nice to have a lot of people all together, a good deterrent from the antsiness of everything going on.

About one minute after everyone left for the night, the power came back on.  I couldn't believe how easy we got off!  Sarah and I texted each other at the same time to tell each other, meaning it was on in my apartment too.  So awesome.  I still stayed over and the next morning Will, Allie and Mike came back to have some hot coffee and to charge up their phones.  They didn't end up getting power  back until a few days later- it's so strange that even though the town we live in is so small, the power returning was so staggered.  But there are people in Princeton, where I work, who are on day 9 without power so it really goes to show you how little control there is over those things- I would think the town is bougie enough to bounce back pretty quickly.

There's my Sandy story, I really got out unscathed but there are plenty of people who haven't...it's worth looking into donating to the Red Cross to help out people who aren't as lucky.  I'm off to Rock the Vote MTV style, hope you guys are doing the same!  But only if you're voting for Obama.  If not then I hope you're just not feeling it today, I mean what's the big deal, right??!! In which case I also hope you don't have a lot invested in the maintenance and care of your junk (ladies.)

Packed Sched. Roundup

Life has felt a little hectic lately!  I'm used to answering "nothing" more often than not when asked what I'm doing over the weekend and being beyond fine with it, so looking at my iPhone calendar and seeing little dots on the majority of my days off is crazy.  To be honest I'm looking forward to a free weekend to catch my breath, but I'm looking forward to the next activities even more- being in the weddings of 2 of my best friends next weekend, practically back to back!  While being a bridesmaid feels like child's play to me at this point (3 times in the last 3 years), I'm getting a little nervous about the one I'm officiating.  A friend of the groom and I are gonna tag-team it, but I seriously think I'm in danger of crying and flubbing lines.  I married friends of mine once before but it was small and sweet and in a living room, this is gonna be the real, crowd-present deal.  We'll see!  Because there's a dot on this day as well and I'm off to a wedding (AS A GUEST, how indulgent) in a couple hours, I want to just put up some pictures of what life's looked like lately with little descriptions.  By the way, have any of you ever had a flood of weddings all around the same time?  By the time it's all over it'll have been 4 for me in a month and a half's time!  I think maybe late 20s into 30s tis the season.  Maybe I'll go through withdrawal afterward and wear my bridesmaid dresses all stacked on top of each other and sit on the floor crying, eating wedding cake that I snuck out in my clutch with my hands and singing that song that goes "I'll be your crying shoulder..." through mouthfuls and tears.  That is probably what will happen.

The signs when you get off the elevator of the Chelsea Hotel, where we stayed in Atlantic City last weekend for Rosie's bachelorette party.  Sign 2 chilled a little bit too hard.

The decor style in the hotel was all over the place but I really liked it separately.  The first 2 pictures were from our room and the last was from the diner inside the hotel.  Surprisingly, the margherita pizza from the hotel diner sucked.  It was an outrage and I called the president.

The next day Ryan, Joe and I had a fun day in the cit-aaay.  We went to Murray's Cheese Bar, which is pretty much what it sounds like and it was amazing.  I wanted to ransack that cheese bar with my mouth, which I guess I basically did.

We also went to the bar at the Nomad Hotel for more drinks and snacks.  Check out that bathroom!  It was very fancy and delicious (the drinks and food, not the bathroom), and the day after we went it got a Michelin star.  I still only partially understand what that means, basically it's a big coup for high end restaurants and they're given out really selectively.  I guess it's like a Zagat's rating on crack.

This is from Thursday night, when part of my salon went to a kick-off party for New Jersey Fashion Week (I can't even re: this being a thing.)  Some of my coworkers did the hair and makeup for it last year and are doing it again this year.  I love having nights out with my coworkers but events like this, where there's only a short presentation and the rest is basically a schmooze fest, set my teeth on edge.  It's just not my wheelhouse, I feel self conscious and embarrassed by how seriously everyone's taking themselves.  Not my salon, which I'm so grateful for, but most everyone else...I mean, there was a mini red carpet with professional photographers.  As I said, I just can't.  But my friend Amanda and I got our jollies by photo-bombing (video-bombing?) on-camera interviews that were going on by walking by in the background and shoving a bite of cupcake in our mouth as soon as we were in frame.  We probably did it 4 times each.  Very cool. 

Well I'm going to start getting ready for today: I have a flats vs. heels war being waged in my head, I'll keep you guys posted on any developments.  I'm thinking flats because Mike and I are going to leave the reception a little early to race to Princeton because Sarah's family 80s cover band, The Emulators, is playing a show!  Since it's right by the salon some clients are coming in addition to coworkers, family and friends, and I feel like it's gonna be a big love fest of people having fun and supporting them- I don't know if I've mentioned it but Sarah's the receptionist at the salon, and when I told a lot of clients they seemed all about it, not just because it's a good time but because who doesn't love Sarah?  Warms my heart.  Ugh I need thicker skin, if I cry at an 80s cover band show because of a swell of emotion I dont know where to go from here.  

p.s. Sorry about the different photo sizes/text alignments, I really tried but I'm still not pro.

YouTube Kinksters, Parking Problems and Psychopaths

I talked a little in this post about the podcast my brother and friend (pictured with me above looking all good) do weekly, Will and Bobby Know Everything.  In this week's installment I'm the guest host and things get nuts!  We zig zag all over a wide range of topics including the web of video dominatrixes I stumbled on, what mundane, normal stuff drives us crazy and a story about a woman I know who's got a touch o' the evil to her (seriously.)
 I'm thinking it's going to be as fun to listen to as it was to record- I crack up in it a LOT.  I listen to podcasts a fair amount now because it's basically like listening to talk radio, but you get to decide what's on.  It makes me a little more productive because boring chores become a little less so with something interesting on in the background. So check something off your to-do list with my new episode of Will and Bobby Know Everything!  You can find it and a lot of other cool stuff by clicking right here.

Why I Think "You Look So Skinny!" Isn't the Best Compliment

If you've read the "About Me" section of the blog, you might remember my saying that I used to write things in Gmail and save them in the drafts folder, just because I enjoyed it.  I'm copying and pasting one of those things below, and because I wrote it a while ago and in a different context it sounds a little more article-y than blog-y.  I thought of it because I spoke to someone today who was telling me about her teenage daughter who was trying to lose weight by doing Weight Watchers, and that she was only eating half of her daily points.  I said that she should probably be eating more because if she pushes herself too hard she's more likely to regain the weight she lost, on top of it probably not being super healthy, and the mom was kind of like "eh, she looks great, if it's working I'm not going to discourage her."  It got me wondering if maybe the girl could sort of feel that and how she felt about it- kind of getting positive reinforcement on maybe not-so-positive behavior.  I don't know them personally but I have enough context on their family over the years and know the mom's a little appearance driven- what if the girl doesn't even give a crap about losing weight, but feels like she should?  Again, reading a ton into it, for all I know I'm way off.  But it made me think of this thing I wrote and I thought I'd share it here.

Cheers to good body images! (Ok it's a stretch but I couldn't think of an apropos picture to post)

I'm having a hard time taking a compliment.

Like many women, my weight has fluctuated most of my life. I've been primarily chubby, occasionally tipping over to the not-as-cute "chunky." This isn't a new story. My weight has gone up and down, and my attitude along with it- sometimes as a teen twisted up in my sheets late at night, face puffy, red and wet, crying at the injustice and irony of my giant fucking Jncos not fitting in the hips, other times more ambivalent. Rarely feeling more than fleetingly good, but sometimes feeling not so bad. Until recently.

In about the last 2 years, a shift started to happen and I started to accept myself. Rather than swing from "ugh" to "eh", I started to swing from "hmm..." to "daaamn." This has been a change independent of actual weight, one I can only assume has been brought on as a result of wisdom through age and the confidence (or "fuck it" 'tude) that can bring. I wasn't becoming the kind of person who was wearing defiant, roll-exposing crop tops or anything but I was eating what I wanted and saying things like "maybe this is just the way I'm built and I'm fine with that", even if it was sometimes in a voice that was just a little too loud and sounded like it was a little more for my own benefit than others. 

And then I hit a downswing. All this eating what I wanted and not doing any exercise that wasn't incidental, while delicious and fun, caused a weight gain that I tried to ignore but my jeans wouldn't let me. When I found myself crying in the shower like a living Lifetime movie I decided it was time to face some facts and make some decisions. I weighed myself, found I had gained 20 pounds and decided I'd like to lose it. As someone who had been waving the fat flag, albeit at half mast, it felt like a tiny betrayal to want to lose weight but one I realized was necessary to feel better about myself.

Through eating more carefully and exercising on purpose/witchcraft, I've lost most of the weight I'd gained and I've gotten a lot of complimentary encouragement along the way that I've found a little internally confusing. As a hairdresser I see a lot of different people regularly but not necessarily on the daily, and those people have a tendency to say variations of "You look great! Have you lost weight?" when they see me at their monthly appointment. And while, yes, I have, and yes, I'm trying to, and so yes, it's a compliment...a small part of me doesn't completely see it as one. I don't resent the individual paying me the compliment and looking at me expectantly, but I do resent the fact that it's an assumed positive, that since I'm chubby I must, of course, be trying to lose weight. EVEN THOUGH IT'S TRUE. There inlies the conflict, as well as the awkwardness.

This actually became an issue, if you can call such a thing an issue, before I was even interested in losing weight. I'd wear a dress that was a little less flowy and people would excitedly tell me I looked thinner, and I didn't want to say "Thank you." Not to be bitchy, not because it made me mad, but because I wanted to somehow get across that it's not a compliment across the board and that I wasn't actually trying to lose weight, that I was happy where I was. There were a couple times that I just went "Oh really?" in reply to "You look so skinny!" but it felt like being rude by omission. I usually caved and said "thank you" out of politeness, and because they were paying me.

Now that I actually am trying to lose weight, I find the issue complicated further. I thank them because I am happy to hear it, but almost always clarify it with a rushed "...but I just want to lose the weight I gained, nothing more, I'm cool being chubby," still just a little too loud and a perhaps still a little bit too directed at myself. What's the best way to accept a compliment you're not sure you want to be paid? It's a question I don't have the answer to. But I'm trying to answer it as graciously as possible.

A Weekend for the Books, if the Book's About Cheese

This weekend came in like a lion and out like a lamb who's got a sore throat.  Since last night I've been all scratchy and crappy, so for today I've pretty much laid low and cleaned my apartment like a madwomen, taking frequent hot flash breaks.  But earlier in the weekend!  Oh, the fun.  Come join me.

Katie's bachelorette party was on Saturday and pardon my french but it was the TITS.  Mike, Sarah and I took the train into New York to meet up with everyone else for Scott's Pizza Tour, which was a 3 hour jaunt around the city to 3 different pizza spots with a lot of pizza knowledge dropped along the way.  This dude knew his stuff and was so infectiously enthusiastic about it!  And I didn't realize it was possible for me to get much more enthusiastic about pizza.

I learned how to tell coal fired pizza from electric oven cooked pizza, fresh mozzarella vs. low moisture mozzarella on sight, what makes a margherita pizza a margherita pizza, and why the idea of New York water making the pizza better is a myth!

We also detected the safest pizza temperature to avoid top-of-the-mouth burnage with the aid of a lazer gun, and Scott offered up a pocket-sized fresh pepper grinder to garnish our slices...very profesh.  Scott is so into pizza that the tour has become his full-time job, he's appeared as a pizza expert on a couple of tv shows and I think he should be handed his own- he's super charismatic, I'd watch the hell out of it.  Seriously can't say enough good things, if you're in the area and so inclined definitely give Scott's Pizza Tours an afternoon of your time.

While we were at one of the stops my friend Kitty took a jokey picture that was supposed to be of me being blah and disinterested in the middle of a bunch of people, and it came out very fashion-y.  Just want you to see my big debut, look for it in an issue of Bust coming soon.

After the tour we headed to The Blind Tiger for a beer, and it might have turned into a couple of beers if it wasn't crowded as hell.  In some small ways I get spoiled by working on Saturdays- I forgot how crowded places get!  Especially places in the city.  After that we went to our room at the Carlton Hotel to hang out for a bit, which was way swanky.  I wish I had taken better pictures but Katie's sister basically laid out a full bar on the dresser and put bachelorette paraphenalia all over the place, my favorite being the "Caution: Wild Girls!" tape criss-crossed over the windows.  We hung out, had drinks and girlied up for our next destination.  This was one of my favorite parts of the day, just jammed onto hotel beds with my friends, bullshitting and semi-dancing and using each other's hairspray.  I spent so much of the day giddy, I already feel nostalgic for it.

The next destination was a speakeasy-style bar called Bathtub Gin that you enter through a backdoor in a coffee shop- Katie didn't know where we were going and her sisters and friend Holly gave everyone 20's style headbands as a clue.  Seriously, bridal party nailed it.  It was great!  I got a Sloe Gin Ginger Sling, which was strong and tasty, and Sarah and I split a cheese plate.  There was a big copper bathtub in the middle of the room that you could take pictures in, so duh, we did.

After Bathtub Gin we had our eye on McSorley's, which is an Irish pub that only serves beer and only 2 kinds, light and dark.  It ended up being packed though- Saturdays, am I right?- so we improvised and went somewhere else.  This is around the time my light started to dim- I was still having a good time, but starting to feel the effects of that bitch who hovers over my shoulder and tortures my uterus monthly, my period.  I was trying to hang but I felt like I was starting to give off a weird half-assed vibe amongst my party mode friends, and I decided to take the train back that night with my friend Susan rather than tough it out for a couple more bars and stay at the hotel as I originally planned.  It definitely gave me a little of a "womp womp" feeling- I was not thrilled about leaving unexpectedly and felt vaguely guilty, even though I know Katie didn't want me toughing out something that's supposed to be fun.  I'm still a little regretful, truth be told.  But seriously, before that I had the best fucking day I've had in a long time, so I plan to keep those 12 or so hours strong in my memory and try let the last couple take a hike.

Ryan and I had the last couple of days off together and spent them the way I like them- with a cheese plate, wine, and a lot of reading.

You tell I'm not used to composing blog-y, pretty pictures yet- keys and wallet in the picture?  Tighten it up, Rog.  But seriously, that was our jam this weekend- we spent a lot of time separate but together, reading outside on the deck of his house or comfy inside, usually accompanied by something delicious.  Right now I'm reading Dark Places by Gillian Flynn because this summer I ripped through her book Gone Girl (along with most of the Princeton population judging by my clients' book clubs' selections) and wanted something similar.  Ryan's been blowing through a lot of chefs' autobiographies.  We went to Wegman's for the above cheese and accessories, and passed my brother and his girlfriend Allie pulling in while we were pulling out- my mind was as blown as it can be by something so small because I didn't even know there was a Wegman's by us!  Oh god, that was the most boring anecdote ever.  Moving on.

The first hints of fall have gotten me entirely too excited and I find myself dressing too warmly almost every day.  It's seriously stupid.  About 10 seconds after I left the house in this yesterday I ditched the scarf and wished I'd opted for a t-shirt or something instead of the Canadian Tuxedo, stylin' as it was.  The Ry Guy and I went to the Spanish farmer's market downtown because they've got great deals, did more reading on the couch and then decided to walk to a bar nearby that has a really great rotating selection of beers for a cold one.  I got something yummy, then a pumpkin beer after that?  Even though I've grown to love beer, I still don't know a ton about it, but there are now keywords here and there that I've picked up on so I generally know what to order or not.  I hope the vocab grows on me a little more in the sneaky way that food stuff has- before I met Ryan I already really liked food (duh, who's like "Yeah no thanks I hate food"?) and knew a good amount about it but I've definitely learned more about the fancier side of it since we've been dating.  Recently I said something that prompted Ryan to go "aww, you know about foi gras!" or whatever it was in a voice like a proud preschool teacher and I think I punched him in the arm and told him to shove it but I have to admit, dude has taught me some things.  Like how to love again.  RALPH, kidding.

That's pretty much it!  As I said, I'm feeling a little like a cold is oncoming so I've been trying to hold it off with what seriously must have amounted to gallons of Gypsy Cold Care and Echinacea tea all day while I cleaned my apartment and started to put out some fall decorations.  In about 2 weeks I'm going to roll out the Halloween goodies...can't wait!  For now I better get back to uh, Masterpiece Theatre, definitely not Pretty Little Liars season 3...

Pretty Little Liars/Black Tar Heroin, Same Diff

That little grey box on my big grey box (my tv, it sticks out a foot and a half from the wall and let's call it "old school") has got me pretty cheezed.  And I wish I could tell you it was because I'm on the edge of my seat over something cool and adult like what Walter White is going to do to Tuco or what whoever Steve Buscemi plays on Boardwalk Empire is going to do to...prohibition?  Is that what that show is about?  No, in the last 3 days I've gotten hooked on Pretty Little Liars.

 And when I say "hooked" I mean hooked, blowing through 10 episode in a way that feels more like a compulsion than something that I'm fully enjoying for the pleasure of it- although there is that, too.  I imagine that hitting the button for the next episode is satisfying the same nagging need that trichotillomania sufferers give into by pulling out their hair.  And I'm none too pleased that the episode I'm super annoyed I don't get to watch has a description that says the girls go "glamping."  OH, UGH.  What have I become?  Maybe I'm regressing because one of the witches from Charmed plays a mom on it (I'm 100 years old) and since that show was my preteen jam it's soothing to me on the same subconscious level that sleeping with your childhood blanket might be.  Or maybe I'm over thinking the fact that I'm into a show where attractive young people are caught up in a mystery- duh, I love anything spooky or who-dun-it-y.  I could probably get into a show where people just mouth things to each other so I can't hear or understand, but I'm pretty sure someone's been killed.

I got started on Monday when I was feeling a little couch-bound after my friends Evan and Emily's wedding, which I figure I'll probably write about a little more when I have more pictures than these:

The next of the 4 weddings I'm attending this fall is in 3 weeks...I hope I don't keep spiraling further backward and develop an iCarly obsession afterward. Or do I?  I don't even know myself anymore.  I need to go do something really intellectual and pretentious, like read a book written in Latin for fun.  Or maybe I'll just try to refresh Netflix.